A date?!

Well, my endless thanks to my roommate, my sister, and parents for giving me the courage to not chicken out of this wedding and find a date. I just got the call that Angela is gonna go to Chicago with me this weekend. And with one phone call this weekend changes from one of sulking and feeling like a schmuck to going on a date with a girl (hey, it may sound trite to you, but this is me we're talking about). So yeah, hopefully I don't screw it up.

Today is Halloween and Phil got real excited about it and went out and bought a bunch of candy over his lunch break for the kids. And, for all his excitement and money spent, we got 4 visitors. Half of which were kids who are probably too old to be trick or treating. What a let down.

Today is also the day my roommate begins living a healthy lifestyle again. He's been on hiatus for a month on account of the monopoly game at McDonald's. Needless to say, in the span of 4 weeks IM guessing he took 6 to 8 months off of his life. Good luck with the detox Phil.

On a side note, My eyes have been opened to the wonderful world of facebook. Wow! What a wonderful thing that someone created to give us reason to waste hours on end doing pretty much nothing. Oh well, look me up and be my friend.

Laundromats

If our apartment Laundromat was a person I would fight it right now. Every time I do laundry (approximately every 2 weeks or so) I have about 4 dryer loads of clothes to dry. Inevitably one of 3 things happens: A) a load is unbalanced and stops running after about 5 minutes B) someone opens the door of it to see if there's something in it and doesn't press the start button again after they shut it C) (this is what happened toned) someone takes my wet clothes out of the dryer, sets them on the table but doesn't put anything else in the dryer. All of these scenarios are really cool when I drive back to the laundry room an hour later to find that I still have another hour and a half or so of waiting before I can go to bed on Sunday night (which is usually when I do laundry). As if this wasn't frustrating enough, my roommate Phil usually does laundry at the same time with me. He is yet to have any of his loads of laundry not dry all the way. What the heck?! Thus, if the Laundromat were a person I would fight them.

A profound excerpt from Blue Like Jazz that I just read

The thing I have to work on in myself is this issue of belief. Gandhi believed Jesus when He said to turn the other cheek. Gandhi brought down the British Empire, deeply injured the caste system, and changed the world. Mother Teresa believed Jesus when He said everybody was priceless, even the ugly ones, the smelly ones, and Mother Teresa changed the world by showing them that a human being can be selfless. Peter finally believed the gospel after he got yelled at by Paul. Peter and Paul changed the world by starting small churches in godless towns.
Eminem believes he is a better rapper than other rappers. Profound. Let's all follow Eminem.
Here is the trick, and here is my point. Satan, who I believe exists as much as I believe Jesus exists, wants us to believe meaningless things for meaningless reasons. Can you imagine if Christians actually believed that God was trying to rescue us from the pit of our own self-addiction? Can you imagine? Can you imagine what Americans would do if they understood over half the world was living in poverty? Do you think they would change the way they live, the products they purchase, and the politicians they elect? If we believed the right things, the true things, there wouldn't be very many problems on earth.

Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

A Rosie Thomas song I can't stop listening to

OCTOBER

Make her a flower in late December when the sun is not shining on her
Write her a love song and play it all day long to remind her of all that she is worth
Never, Never leave her

Take her on long drives for ice cream by seaside and give her your coat when she is cold
Tell her you miss her when you're close enough to kiss her and that you'd walk 1000 miles to tell her so
Never, Never leave her

Take photographs of her on Brooklyn street in October when her nervous smile is slightly curved
Some days when she's slightly down tell her it's ok to frown it make you just fall more in love with her
Never, Never, never, never leave her

-Rosie Thomas

I am a lonely schmuck.

I am a lonely schmuck. It's a pretty pathetic state to be in, but it's true none the less. I dont think im going to a good friend's wedding becuase of this. How selfish is that? On a lighter night, It's official, im taking 2 vacation days in the middle of next month to see Shorb and Erica. The big question now... Do I fly or do i drive?

2nds

I'm working 2nd shift for Thursday, Friday, and Monday. We took a rush job at the warehouse and now we have to keep the place open twice as long to get everything through. It's not as bad as I was thinking it was going to be. Yesterday it was good to sleep in (to 730) and just sort of be lazy most of the day. Working in the evening isn't so bad and it kind of reminded me of nights going in to close Courthouse down (except not really at all by the end of the night). So Ill work the same shift tonite and depart for home right afterwards. Should make for a long sleepy drive. On a side note. Notre Dame plays USC this weekend. I've been a bit nervous since tuesday. ESPN has done a good job of hyping it. I just can't decide what to expect. I hope i dont have a mortally wounding saturday afternoon if they dont win... no promises though.

Homecoming

This weekend was a truely blessed time for me. It was great to be back and to see everyone. At one point during the weekend it felt like I was back there again. Oh, how much I crave the oportunity to be that useful and effective again. I felt like I did more worthwhile things in the last 4 days than I have done in the last 6 months. Wow. It felt as if it was yet another step in God showing me where my heart really lies and where my gifts and purpose truely will be realized. I hope that people I talked to don't forget to keep me updated on life. On a side note, my sister is wonderful. Words don't describe that relationship. On a second note, I got to coach a girls football game tonite. YES.

Taylor time

So, the last few weeks have definately had a Taylor flavor for me. Two weeks ago I was invited down for the PA inservice to be the guest speaker (more on that soon). This last week I was asked by the admissions office to go to Herritage Christian Highschool and be a representative for their big college fair. Tonite I'm going up to see Tracy and watch airband. Then this weekend Im heading up for Homecoming. So, yeah, T.U. aye?

Contentment

Contentment. It’s one of those things that you don’t think about when you’ve got it, but can’t get past it when you don’t have it. What causes contentment? I’ve asked myself that a few times over the past months, but with no real answer. Part of me wants to say that contentment is something experienced when one is where they’re supposed to be. When I’m fulfilled and beneficial, doing things that are worthwhile and with purpose, I feel content. Another part of me thinks that contentment as all a frame of mind. If I just get myself to believe that wherever I find myself, in whatever situation, I am where I want to be and should be. In other words, the grass is always going to be greener somewhere else, but if I just remind myself to look around me and appreciate what I do have and the good things about where I am at, then I will find contentment. I’m sure there are a lot of other perspectives on this, but these seem to be the two ends of a sort of internal tug-of-war. I find myself, at times, quite discontent; very uncomfortable with where I’m at and what I’m doing with an intense desire to change directions quickly. I know that the discontentment comes directly from my job and I know what it is about my job that causes so much strife internally. However, I am constantly going back and forth about whether this discontent is the realization that this job that I am in is far and away not something that I am supposed to be doing for a very long period of time or if it’s simply something that I’ve figured out isn’t for me that much and I’m amplifying the situation beyond what is rationally necessary.

This weekend has been spent in a similar vein as a few spent at the end of July, thinking about how this job is sucking the life out of me day by day and how I am doing a horrible disservice to myself by simply sucking it up and continuing on not looking forward to the upcoming day. Part of me thinks that by doing such a stubborn thing that I am doing direct harm to my spiritual life. I mean, in the last four months there has been little to no desire to serve others at all. There’s been minimal desire to participate in the community of believers, and I’ve begun to approach my spiritual life in a very selfish and conceited mannor. I go to church for me, not to be a blessing to others. When I think of engaging with others in the church, it’s more for my perceived necessity for a social group as opposed to an attempt to really be a part of the community. Not only am I not involved in any sort of ministry, if one were to fall into my lap I would turn away from it because I have little physical, mental, or spiritual energy to focus on anything other than my own situation and life. This is not what God’s called for me in my life. This is not what my spiritual life and ministry outlook are supposed to be. If I can honestly say that this job is the primary cause to such a selfish and dysfunctional approach to my spiritual life, then I should not continue on in such a thing. However, there’s the flip side to such an avenue of thought. If I simply stop, step outside of my own selfishness long enough to look at things in a broader perspective I remember that the situation I find myself in is an extremely blessed one. I am in a job that is paying me very well; much more that I really need, in fact. I don’t worry about paying bills or buying food or putting gas in my car. I have most of my evenings and weekends free to do whatever I want. My boss is a wonderful Christian man who cares very much about me. My apartment is nice, my roommate is very good, my family is supportive, etc. etc. How many people would give up a lot to find themselves in such a situation. Certainly I am being to selfish and narrow minded to appreciated all the blessings that are present in my life currently and the idea that I am going to let the amout of fulfillment in my job to dictate such a high level of discontent in the rest of my life is foolish and ridiculous. Certainly God would see any attempt to change jobs so soon would be a slap in the face or a rejection of the blessings he’s given me. After all, where’s the perseverance in the midst of trails? Where’s the faith that I’m supposed to be living with daily?

And so I go back and forth. Stick the job out for a year, or change after 6 months. For the past month, it’s been ‘stick out the year’. At the end of this weekend, it’s ‘change at 6 months’. Who knows what it will be like tomorrow. I continue to pray, as I have ceaselessly for the past 3 months, that God would somehow clear up the muddy water in my thinking. I want my life to be one that is glorifying to Him. I want to make choices that honour the blessings he’s bestowed upon me in my life. Easier said than done. Any advice?