sick to my stomach

So, the last 2 days have pretty much sucked. We were cleaning the apartment from top to bottom on thursday night when it hit... ...hard. I got that sick-to-my-stomach feel again. The same one that hit me about half an hour till date time last time. So, Phil will tell you that i've been a real fun person to be around for the back half of the week. I've been nervous and not feeling very well. I dont know how to explain this at all and it's sort of disconcerting. To make matters worse, at work, i was out in the warehouse shrinkwrapping books all day. This is phenomenally monotonous and as the hours passed by I sank deep into thought and found myself almost trapped in my own head. My thoughts consumed me. Just couldn't get myself to stop running through my head these little movie reels of the upcoming date and how it was going to go so bad and how I was going to be such an idiot and a schmuck. It wasn't the same movie reel over and over, but different potential scenarios where I say stupid things or do stupid things or don't do anything at all. It's really ridiculous and horrible, and I can tell myself that, but at the moments when i was at work stuck in my head there was just no way out and the days passed very excruciatingly. I haven't really eaten anything of any consequence. I at half a sandwich yesterday for lunch. And some chicken late last night. That's about it since thursday afternoon. We're making a big dinner tonite for them. Citrus pasta. I hope that im feeling well enough to eat enough to not have her notice again like last time.... that was so awkward. Ahhh... this is so stupid and i dont know why i can't just make myself stop this ridiculousness.

Anyway, in 2 hours she'll be down here. I called her this morning and i think i woke her up but she seemed kinda happy to talk to me. She's bringing Christmas music to listen to for the day. We're going to go cut down a tree, bring it back here, decorate the apartment, make dinner, and watch a movie. Here's hoping that the movie reels in my head where as ridiculous as everyone keeps telling me.