Czech & David Mauldin

I've been thinking about the Czech alot today. Good, but sullen. I think it's because I was listening to Coldplay and there are certain songs that make me think of those people. Somehow the two integrate well. Today Indy and Prague are experiencing about the same weather. cold. it's hovering around 30 and feels colder (i checked it on weather.com). Will I ever end up back there? I've gotten some correspondence from David Mauldin recently. He's in Taiwan & wrestling with God. Having a hard time with life. I wonder if I would experience the same sort of struggle if I'd ended up moving to Czech and working there as I'd planned to once upon a time. I think I most likely would have. It's so easy to feel alone. And the loneliness can be like quicksand at times. Try to alleviate it, but the attempts remind you all the more of your real loneliness, so you try harder and the feelings grow all the more intense... It would not be difficult to allow yourself to be swallowed up in it.

The Czech Republic is a wonderful place (as are all places on this earth in their own way, im sure) and it's people are particularly beautiful to me (and that's simply because it's about the only other culture that i've gotten to experience with any sort of reality other than my own). I love to think back on them and remember. Remembering invovles recalling their depression; personally, spiritually, and economically. The country is becoming westernized which is good for their economy, but politically and socially they are so stratified that the new economic rewards are really only rewarding a handful of people at the top with little trickle-down effect, especially outside of Prague... The people feel like they've been so whore'd by those in power across much of history... Catholicism tore them apart. Fascim oppressed them. Communism ruined them. Now Capitalism will attempt to strip them. It is no wonder that these people are not interested in anything anyone new says or brings their way. They've all claimed to have answers and solutions and avenues to better life. None of them have followed through on those claims. None of them were really coming from a perspective that had those people as their motivation. As a people they must identify strongly with Hosea in the Bible. Continually betrayed and lied to. And to take back his wife only to know full well that this time was no more real or sincere than any of the times previous.

That's why I would consider being there long term... because the only way I would dream of asking someone to listen to my account of faith and belief in God would be through time and friendship. No tracts. No alter calls. No television preachers. No standing on the street corner with a microphone and shouting that everyone was going to go to Hell. That's not how Czech people work, and for good reason. You think you, a little 17 year old kid over here for a week long ministry trip, have something to tell me in such a way that im' going to throw off 300 years of disappointment and let-downs and let you get me all emotional and grab onto another hope on a whim? Get over yourself. You couldn't even point me to a real church within 30 miles. There is part of me that hates the fact that Americans are so open to such retarded things. I think it points to how safe and sheltered we really are, and I'm not talking about only the upper-middle class afluenza.. I'm talking about most everyone in this country, rich or poor... we're all so easily deceived; so willing to jump over a cliff without thinking and not dealing with the consequences till much later. I think that's why American Christians, on the whole, are pretty ridiculous; we dont have a real faith. We've not made a real choice. We've simply incorporated certain daily and weekly practices and observances that make us feel better and a little validated. They're certainly not real choices or beliefs because our lives wouldn't even be a shadow of what they really are if that was the case. But we live in a culture that promotes that sort of half-hearted, not logical, don't worry about the implications, im not gonna hold you accountable, just say something that sounds nice, isn't it great that we all have 'hope' sort of living and decision making. This is a luxury that someone in Czech does not have. I would take the decision of one Czech person to hold water over 20 Americans on account of I KNOW that the Czech person has had to think it all through because noone's gonna understand what they're doing or thinking and it's certainly not going to make any friends and there's really not going to be any support for them. They've HAD to think it through before doing something that social stupid. The Americans on the other hand... well, I could choose to be a Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Atheist, Taoist, or Confucianist and I'm praised and respected for 'having conviction' and 'living with purpose'. It's not that hard for me to change my mind and change my mind to whatever direction the wind blows....

I've gotten on a bit of a soapbox and very unintentionally so. This was all supposed to be about Czech and how I thought about it today which was good, and also somewhat depressing. Somehow in my head i convince myself that allowing the experience of individuals over there to weigh heavy on my heart and mind makes it somewhat lighter for them to carry over there... ...even though I cant see them, or talk to them or cry with them anymore. Funny things my mind allows me to do.