Christmas time

My Christmas vacation was a good one. I can't begin to say how good it was to again have my sister back and without ten thousand things going on so that she could actually talk to me again. I got back home on wednesday night and i think that she and i stayed up till1am catching up on the past 2 months worth of both of our lives. It was a long time coming and very much needed. It was tough to leave at the end knowing that she's going to be just as busy this coming semester and it's likely that we will probably go through the same sort of very sparse contact for such a long period of time. Hopefully the Christmas time was enough to carry through though. She's going to India on a lighthouse trip over J-Term and I'm pretty excited about it. Lighthouse was such an experience all of it's own for me and I hope that she will have the same sorts of experiences as well. She's talked about staying with me in Indy for J-Term break, so that would be a good time to get to hear all the stories and see all the pictures.

The four of us decided to do Christmas on Christmas Eve, which was a nice little change. I was pretty excited to give the gifts i'd gotten for mom and dad. I felt pretty good about this being the first year in quite a few that I didn't do all my shopping the day before and have to scramble and guess and what would be nice to give them and stuff. It always came out a bit on the impersonal side of things. This year, however, I've known what I was going to get them as soon as december rolled around. I was most excited about giving mom a little personalized coaster set that you can put pictures in, so I took pictures of all four of us and cut them to size and fit them in. She really liked them, and I was happy about the most creative gift I've made in a while. Though I looked for 3 weeks for a gift or two to get Tracy, i came up empty and was relegated to the cheesy movies and hand lotion stuff 2 days before. And because of that shopping 2 days before christmas I reaffirmed my loathing of all things Wal-Mart. Controlled chaos. Nothing else. I could have punched someone in that place i think.

Angela got her gift that I sent her. I thought it was a pretty good gift considering where everything is with that. I got a nice three picture frame and put some pictures from the weekend she was down decorating at the apartment in there. I was a little dissapointed that she didn't call, but wrote an email instead, but she's been working lots of hours over the holiday, so I've had to remind myself that not hearing from her or being able to get ahold of her very easily is not because she's trying to avoid me. I'm going up there for new years. I'm stoked. I decided the other day that we're having a big talk sometime during the night. (any guesses on how many times i'll put my foot in my mouth for that one?)

My dad and I got into a bit of an arguement sunday night that really lit me up. I mean I was pissed! And I remember sitting in my room and thinking, wow, if I decided I was offended enough about it, i could pack all my junk up right now and leave for indy. It would have cut short the family time by a day. I didn't cause I dont think that it was at all necessary and everything blew over like no big deal. However, I couldn't stop thinking about that for the next 2 days. Never before have I had that as a legitimate possibility. It scared the crap out of me and I began to realize how easy it is for families to turn into such wrecks. I was pretty depressed about that realization for a good solid 48 hours. It's much easier for families to be functional when everyone lives under the same roof. As soon as people live in different houses and different states it can get dicy. It gives people a way out... an oportunity to run away instead of deal with the problem or situation. It would not be hard to cause a whole slew of jumped conclusions and assumptions about what everyone is thinking and what everyone is feeling also. Then time passes, and then telephone calls attempt to mend bridges and that's so impersonal and allows everyone to downplay things that maybe shouldn't be downplayed and maybe should be dealt with thoroughly. From here on out it will be a much more intentional thing on all our parts to keep our family as functional as it has been all my life thus far. This isn't because of any one person, but more about a change in individual people's circumstance. I hope I don't forget about that. Everyone's going to hurt and get hurt; offend and be offended. It's just the reality of life and relationship. The real question is whether we all can remind ourselves in timely ways what the implications of our words and actions could be and whether those are really justified given whatever situation has just occured. I love my family with all that I am and I hope that I dont ever cause the cohesiveness with which we function to be shaken.

The boss is gone on vacation this week. My roommate is gone on vacation this week. Work is so slow that we dont have to bring people in today or tomorrow. I'm more than a little bored. I'm more than a little lonely. The truck driver that just picked stuff up from the warehouse a few hours ago was the only person I may speak to face to face for about a 36 hour period. WHOA. I hope people call me on the phone or something, cause otherwise I might go insane. Good news though... Phil's coming back tomorrow night and bringing Ben & April. Good news #2... Saturday I get to go see Angela again.... BOOYEAH!