shift

in the last 24 hours my world has shifted noticeably. Some positive, some negative. All challenging.

Utter frustration

So, about a month and a half ago I planned this really sweet day. I bought cubs tickets for april 12th. It was an afternoon game against the Padres. I talked Darla into going with me and the tickets i got were 9 rows off the field on the third base side. It was gonna be awesome. Seriously, I couldn't wait to pull off this really great day. Well, today was that day and it was not cool. In fact, it pretty much was a total wash (in more ways than one). Picked up Darla at 730 this morning and we headed to chicago. When we got to the park it was raining and i was pretty doubtful that we'd get the game in. Well, when we got to the ticket booth, it was already cancelled and they weren't letting anyone in. So, not only did we not get to see the game, but i coudln't even take her into Wrigley to let her see the place. We got back in the car 40 minutes after we got out of it and just headed back home in the rain. I was pretty dissapointed and frustrated. Being out the money and the day was bad, but I was stoked to get to show her this really great day with really great seats and all that stuff and it really didn't happen. I know she doesn't mind and was really cool about driving to chicago to pretty much just eat taco bell and turn around and go, but I think if I'd gotten to take her to the game and stuff that she would have had a really stellar day... So, yeah, dissapointed, REALLY dissapointed. But, life goes on, right? Just dont talk to me about rain right now, cause we've got issues.

I went to Pittsburg this weekend. a couple of wierd stories about that, but it'll have to be later.

La Bamba's

So, the old La Bamba's down in University square closed it's doors, finally. We decided to go have a little candle light ceremony for it tonite and try out the new one that just opened on the outskirts of town. The service was nice. we all got to share a few words and memories. Tried to get some people walking by to share a few as well. Mostly they kinda snickered at us and walked on by. When we were finished we drove out to the new one only to find that it was closed for the night! We asked a worker still there what the deal was and he said they were new hours. They're gonna close at 11pm from now on. WHAT THE HECK!?!? La Bamba's is not good enough food for regular family dining or anything like that.... They're not gonna make money if they're not open at 3am serving college kids. It was quite the disappointment, to say the least. Wilson and I are gonna get online tomorrow to try and find an address to send formal complaints into.

new glove

Today may have been one of the more productive and functional days of my young life. I have no classes on tuesday and really no big due dates looming this week for me to feel like i had to do anything today. However, I woke up at 830am and worked on my senior thesis till 1145am. Wow! that was big. It was wonderful outside, again, today, so I went out and watched the baseball team win both games in a double header. Our softball team won it's second game today as well. I am the proud owner of a new softball glove (something I realized i was in desperate need of the other day when several laces in my old glove finally gave up and broke). On a down note, the cubs lost tonite, 5-4.

Tonight I was reminded that the purpose in preparing yourself for negative things to happen isn't to make them less negative. The purpose of the exercise is to give you the ability to function appropriately in the midst of such occurrences. 'The worst case scenario' is one of those things I'm always rolling around in my head and planning for, etc. When I do this enough, it's easy for me to forget that actual purpose. Sometimes it's easy to tell myself I do that in order to prevent those sorts of things from happening or to at least make those things 'not AS bad'. But, no, that would be a lie that I tell myself. The sole purpose in such mental preparation is to equip oneself to respond accordingly (ie: not get so overcome by emotion or disappointment or anger or frustration or surprise that i do or say something stupid, that I regret later). That's right, mentally preparing for the negative is an attempt at avoiding more regret than will already be present given the situational circumstance. It does not make the negative things any less negative or any less personal. I've just enabled myself to deal with it quicker, and healthier. still kinda sucks.... but Solomon tells me there is a season for everything.

Sunny Days, Softball, Sisters

Today was a beautiful day. It was sunny and 70+ degrees out. Dr. Maloney decided to move class outside. The minute we got out the door I was a million miles away. Tomorrow is supposed to be more of the same. Where in the heck did this weather come from? God is good. It makes coming back from spring break so much easier.

Ok, Softball class started up today (yes, i have a pretty light semester, to say the least) and I forgot about it. Swinburne called me up afterward to find out what happened and that was the first i even thought about it. What kind of bum misses the first day of a class like softball? Honestly!

Penthouse Intramural Softball began the road to victory today by chalking up our first win. I pitched the complete game in a 4-3 victory. Don't worry, they wont all be that close. I can smell the championship t-shirt already.

Had dinner with Tracy tonite, which was a pleasent suprise. My sister is a great sister. Little things like showing up to my intramural games and going to dinner with me are things that just always seem to fill me up. She's solid like that. I hope that I do that kind of thing for her enough. Probably not though. I'm gonna work on that.

As if the day hadn't gone well enough... The Chicago Cubs won their opening day game today 16-6 over the Arizona Diamondbacks. WOOHOO! I'll go out on a limb and say the Cubbies are winning the series this year (yeah, real original, I know).

Back again (one last time)

So, I came back to campus this afternoon.... I realized that this was the last big 'return trip' from a break or the summer or something. I haven't stopped thinking about it all day and it's made me pretty tentative. I've got a feeling these last weeks are gonna get pretty nostalgic and i'll be full of futile attempts at summing things up and passing things on. Sorry ahead of time, i guess.

Job Hunt '05 got kicked into high gear over break and will continue from now till i land one, im sure. So, feel free to throw any leads or hookups, or even good ideas, my way. So far, i've had offers to set up living arrangements in Warsaw, Upland, Indianapolis, West Unity Ohio, and Bethlehem PA.

Hitch

Last night i saw the movie Hitch with some friends. First off, it's hillarious. It's even more funny when you realize that the guy sitting next to me is EXACTLY one of the characters in the movie. The 'King of Queens' guy in the movie... his character is my friend Aaron Nieter. No matter where I am or what i'm doing, when Nieter gets married, im coming to the wedding. Yes, because we're good friends, but also becuase at the reception, Nieter will be sure to make a total fool of himself on the dance floor the same way the guy in the movie does.

Played basketball today, had the guys over to watch the final four games, and drafted my final fantasy baseball team. Good day. Tomorrow i head back to school. It's been quite a good spring break. It'll be good to see people again. Life is different without certain people there all the time. Well, everyone be smart on the roads tomorrow, and come back to me safe and sound.

So, i've taken the last few weeks off for this thing. It's spring break and I'm sitting at home looking for jobs to apply for. I'm also attempting to work on my senior paper a bit, but that's not going so well. I just got done drafting another fantasy baseball team last night and will be doing so again on saturday night as well.

California was much fun. Maha is doing quite well and it was great to meet Franciso. We checked out the Getty museum in LA, walked Palm Springs, went to San Diego, and drove through the mountains and the coast. Nice weather, good pictures, better conversations. It does my heart good to see a friend who has found so much more contentment with life than was previously afforded to them. Maha seems to be generally happy and a peace with her life currently. Good for her.

ps: I spent 24 hours getting from Maha's house back to my own... it was a crazy wierd trip. Greyhound bus drivers will forever be suspect in my mind.

Altruism

At this particular moment I am convinced that altruism is stupidest reason for doing anything. Maybe it would work if there was some other idiot like yourself being altruistic about their relationship with you. However, since it's doubtful that this is the case, altruism is left as stated, stupid. Approach people altruistic and you can expect to be sucked so dry that there's nothing left. Maybe you think you can warn them when you're getting a little on the empty side and then they'll respond with admiration and feed you for a change. That's a pleasant little fiction. Reality says that people will be so busy sucking what they can out of you that they wont recognize your warnings of running low. They'll empty you out and be so disappointed when you don't have anything left to give that they'll drop you on the ground and move on for someone else.... ...All the while not really understanding why it is that you stopped letting them feed off of you. They wont see that you've been emptied. They simply recognized that you've stopped being able to produce whatever it is that they need for themselves.


It's a cynical day... dont worry about it.

reports

Things to report...

First, tonite Dr. Jessup, in what seems to me to be nothing short of divine providence, cancelled our senior sem meeting for the night which allowed me to go to Huntington to watch our guys play for the Men's basketball conference championship. The stands were packed and the game was amazing. with 4 minutes left we were down by 11. with 17 seconds left we called a timeout and were down by 2. with 4 seconds left RJ nails a 3 pointer to give us a point lead (the only lead of the night). They run down the court and brick a shot. We win. We rush the court. It was an amazing game and a great way to finish my Taylor Basketball fan experience.

Second, last night Sarah Bonness punched me in the face. Yes, all of that taunting and picking and harassing finally paid off as she hauled back and decked me in the face. Actually, she was just trying to give me a friendly punch in the shoulder or something and evidently she doesn't have good aim cause it surprised her as much as it surprised me. That's not what I'm gonna tell people though. Sarah Bonness maliciously punched me in the face....

Thirdly, it's late cause I've procrastinated enough that, in spite of my small class load this semester, I had to stay up late and study for a test, a quiz, and prep for Youth Conference focus chapel. Ah, yes, even a senior doing his best attempts at senioritus must relegate himself to late nights of studying, even to the bitter end it looks like.

Fourthly, Milford Middle School lost again last night. Our record is now 2-3. The first two losses were tolerable, because they were good teams I guess, but we still thought we could have beat them. This team, however, sucked. They really sucked. In fact... They REALLY REALLY sucked. Man, we're pathetic. I dont plan to ever shoot the ball in a game again.

That's all for now. too late to get too deep. IM sure this is a disappointment to all.