Beautiful Girls

'Wrong again, Paul. One comes to a decision based on what one WANTS, not based on what one doesn't want.'

A quote from the film Beautiful Girls. I watched it tonite with 2K. Good movie. Supposed to be a comedy, but if you pay attention, you can see a small commentary on the various ways that we attempt to ascribe beauty in our culture today. It's not aesthetics. It's not youth. It's not power. It's not safety.

C+

Yo consegi un C+ en la clase de espanol. GET OFF ME!

journey

The thing is, life's a journey. It's not about getting to the end and finding out how many questions you answered right or wrong. Understanding God's will is not the same as answering a multiple choice question on a test. Live life and know that you will make mistakes. know that you will not be perfect. In fact, know that, in your imperfection you have freedom, and you experience growth. Fear cannot own us. Nothing about the Bible or God or Jesus or Paul or Moses or David or Mary or Timothy or Joseph or Ruth or Isaiah tells us that living a safe life is the focus or the desire. So why is it that I allow safety to be me overriding desire in most of my decision making?

My Jesus I Love Thee

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

We sang this hymn today in chapel. The message given today was particularly challenging. Jesus: Fully God, Fully human. How do we come to grips with this? Well, judging from the way we respond to ourselves and each other, we don't do it very consistently. 'I'm only human.' This is an all too common response given when someone is attempting to justify some act they've committed, usually sinful in nature. Well, what does this mean? Jesus was fully human and he did not sin. But, wait, he was also fully God, which must have made it easier for him to live a sinless life, or so we assume. This notion cannot be true or we lack consistency in our theological beliefs. If Jesus did not experience the 100% authentic human life with all of it's temptations, hardships, and difficulties, then his death does not atone for 100% of our sinfulness. God cannot redeem what he is not capable of overcoming. Thus, Jesus had to have experienced all of our humanity. So, Jesus could have been attracted to a girl. Jesus could have lost at a race or a contest. Jesus might have hit his thumb with a hammer and yelled. Jesus probably experienced sexual arousal. We know that Jesus got angry enough push over tables in the temple. Jesus called people liars and fools. He experienced the full breadth of humanity without sin entering in at all. So, what, again is our justification for these things we allow to rule us to the point of sinfulness?

See You Soon

This weekend has been a relatively layed back one. The new craze on our floor is fooseball. Phil and I have been playing Justin & Jonas quite a bit. The stress level of the game usually runs quite high and today they announced to us that they were retiring from the game due to physical ailments. Personally, I think it's more of the psychological hardships coming out of the games.

I missed church this morning and for no apparent reason. I went to bed around 2, which isn't particularly late for me, especially since I go to the late service at UCC in the mornings. Hello apathy. I don't know what my deal was. Why are there weeks when I approach my church attendance on the same level as I approach my class attendance? (Well, I've been to enough recently that missing this time wont matter. Oh, I'm kinda burnt out right now and could use a break. Man, I really am kinda tired and could use catching up on some sleep. Etc.) What a hypocrite I am!

J-term break is fast approaching and I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I don't have any definite plans. Noah wants me to go to Ohio. I think my parents would like it if I came home. I am thinking about just staying here though and doing a couple of things I've needed to do for a while, before 2nd semester starts up. I don't know though, what are the chances that I'll stay here and just waste the time anyway?

I've been drinking green tea all weekend that I bought on Friday. It's great stuff and is quite soothing when paired with the classical music I've been listening to lately. I find myself getting on little stints with the music that I listen to. It usually lasts a week or two at a time. Right now I am playing a lot of classical music along with Damien Rice.

I got kind of frustrated tonite, again, studying for Spanish. Jake came in and made me sit down and do our thing. Last year we started this thing where we would go into my room, put in the Coldplay Live DVD, turn off all the lights, and play the song 'See You Soon'. It's about the most chill, mellow song I know of and we both agreed to do that together whenever either one of us is really stressed. Well, Jake picked a great time to come in to do that, cause I certainly was appreciative of the calming experience.

So you lost your trust
And you never should have
No you never should have
But don't break your back
If you ever see this
Well, don't answer that

In a bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
I'll see you soon
In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

I love music. Now, I say that and you have the right to laugh because I can neither sing nor play music to save my life. But to listen to music, to sounds and words put together in ways that can move me to contemplative moods and deeper thoughts or mournful recollection and pensive musings... Mellow music. Songs that so eloquently convey messages of truth, love, beauty, and sorrow. If I can sit in a dimly lit room with a cup of coffee in my hand and find myself thinking or feeling anything of any real consequence... That is wonderful music to me. Damien Rice, Coldplay, Jack Johnson, Miles Davis, Chris Rice, Dave Matthews, Sufjan Stevens, Ben Folds, Norah Jones, Bob Dylan, and on and on. Yes, there's a place, I suppose for music that is loud, or fast, or funny. There's a place for music that doesn't have a point or a message. For me, however, I prefer to have music that serves a definite purpose, makes a statement, or asks a question. What does your music tell you? What are your musicians trying to say?

Brennan Manning

Jterm's been a backwards time for me. Usually, im the one staying up late and not sweatin' it much. However, this last 3 weeks have been filled with early nights, studying till I am too tired to do so anymore, and suprisingly poor grades. I got a couple of them back at the end of this week that are going to salvage the whole thing for me, but man... It's really kickin my butt. Oh well, three more class days and im done with Spanish. booyeah. And to all those out there who are laughing at me cause im not getting to screw around for j-term... Well, all I have to say is I'll be looking for you in the spring.

I just got word this week that one of my freshmen transferred to another school and will not be returning for the spring semester. It was kind of tough to take. He's definitely a solid guy and adds quite a bit to the floor. It would have been good to know he was still gonna be around the floor after I left. However, God's got different plans for him in mind. I hope that everything works out for the best. He's a tennis studd and is transferring to a school where he's gonna be given the opportunity to excel at that much more than he would have at Taylor. But I can't help but question myself to some degree when something like this happens. I mean, what could I have done differently to make his experience here that much better, and therefore, that much harder to leave? Did I create an environment that was beneficial to him? Did I spend enough time with him? Did I say what I needed to say and did I avoid saying the things I didn't need to say? Did I go out of my way enough to serve him? All questions that I hope can be answered 'yes', but who knows.... It's God's plan, not mine.

President Bush's inauguration was this week. It's reminded me of some of the dialogue that took place around here during the election. Let me just take a moment to encourage you to be open-minded in all you say, think, and do. Understand that this world is seldom a 'black and white' world. There is much grey. This sentiment runs even deeper when we talk about Christianity and spirituality. It's been my observation that many of us are content to think that much of our understanding about our Christian theology is cut and dried simply because we heard someone else say it was, or because that's what everyone else is saying that it is. Unless you consider yourself a theological or someone who's knowledge and interpretation of scripture is verifiably without any room for error, then maybe I would suggest to you that you might do well to step away from that frame of thinking a bit. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go relativistic on Biblical interpretations. However, I'm simply encouraging you to think through those thoughts and ideals you hold onto so tightly again. And don't simply walk through the same 4 step sermon on whatever topic you can think of that you've heard 20 times before. Stop. Think openly. Process. Read. Study. Figure out how things applied to the context then and then how that applies to the context we are in now. And always consider the fact that you (in almost every case you will find yourself in) are not an expert. Even if you are an expert, you're still human, which means you're still prone to be imperfect, which means that HEY! YOU'RE GONNA BE WRONG SOMETIMES! Let's all agree to get over ourselves enough to at least admit that we dont know everything, in fact, we dont really know much of anything at all. Really, what we have are a bunch of other people's opinions that have been pitched well enough to us that we've decided to make those opinions ours. Sometimes the pitch is done well enough to give us the opportunity to really understand why we'll take it as our own, but again, most of the time, we are too apathetic or arrogant to think for ourselves on very many matters. Be careful when attempting to combine politics with spirituality. The two generally have nothing to do with each other. I find it absurd that we have been content, as American Christians to do just that, though. Does God advocate democracy? How about capitalism? Does God approve of Republicans or Democrats? How about Monarchs, Oligarchs, or Despots? Communism? Socialism? Feudalism? Funny, I dont recall God advocating any form of government as explicitly His chosen form. So, quit trying to contort God and the Bible into saying something they dont. I'll get off the soapbox by quoting Brennan Manning.

If we maintain the open-mindedness of children, we challenge fixed ideas and established structures, including our own. We listen to people in other denominations and religions. We don't find demons in those with whom we disagree. We don’t cozy up to people who mouth our jargon. If we are open, we rarely resort to either-or: either creation or evolution, liberty or law, sacred or secular, Beethoven or Madonna. We focus on both-and, fully aware that God's truth cannot be imprisoned in a small definition. The open mind realizes that reality, truth, and Jesus Christ are incredibly open-ended. -Brennan Manning

No cursing

Well, Guy didn't curse in chapel. In fact, it was a relatively safe presentation, except for a few moments where he started to rant about churches looking more like corporations than houses of God, but he calmed down relatively quickly. It was a good message though. Good for the college senior will still no definite direction in mind after graduation.

Yesterday I got my Spanish midterm back and, believe it or not, I got a B-. YES! I'm not gonna fail which means in 4 days I'm never have to comprehend Spanish again.

Ruffled feathers

Phil's been gone since Sunday morning on an Art as Experience trip to Chicago. He will be back tomorrow. Darla and Noah are leaving tomorrow for Colorado on a Senior Sem trip. They're not going to be back until Monday night. Shorb will be leaving Friday right after class to go home until second semester. Am I the only person who's J-Term class is kicking their butt & not taking fun trips? Evidently... Oh well, wait till spring semester rolls around suckas!

Guy Fonz is going to be speaking in chapel tomorrow. He's the pastor at Muncie Alliance Church (a relatively local church that is frequented by many Taylor students). The church is pretty laid back and he does his best to break away from jargon and cliches behind the pulpit. From time to time he's been known to let go of a curse word or two... Man, I wouldn't mind hearing one tomorrow at chapel only to see what certain people would do and how they would respond. I hope that he doesn't feel constricted or restrained because it's Taylor. I think we, as a Christian community, can always benefit from 'getting our feathers ruffled'.

I was talking to someone earlier this week about risks. I recalled several interesting conclusions I've come up with. Nothing can be gained without some level of risk. Very few situations in real life are set up in a way that you are able to answer any and all possible questions before making a decision. Something is only worth as much as one is willing to risk in order to gain it. We cannot allow the fear of hurt, rejection, or disappointment to dictate our choices, actions or life decisions. When thinking about risks, ask yourself if you're still going to be breathing afterwards (regardless of the outcome). If you are still going to be breathing, then what say you take a chance? Of course, I do realize the irony with which anyone should feel hearing me, of all people, write something like that. However, I was reminded today that I do have a right to say that because those conclusions and understandings come out of years of personal mental and emotional struggle. So, yeah, maybe I am allowed to say these things regardless of my past thoughts on the subject. I hope that doesn't come around as biased or skewed, just honest.

What?

Well, if you recall me telling you late lats week about my ear infection, I must still have it. There's no splitting headaches or anything, cuase im on drugs still. However, I still can't really hear anything out of my right ear and what I can hear sounds like I'm standing in a tunnel. This made church this morning an adventure. I felt pretty bad for Noah and the other people standing around me, who I didn't know. I'm pretty sure that I sang pretty loud and pretty horribly. It wasn't until the third song that i started to think that I was probably annoying some people. So, I'm sorry if I sounded awful (not that I dont sound awful regardless of the state of my ears), but hopefully you can forgive me for wanting to worship my Lord. I also kinda made an idiot of myself at lunch when I jumped into a conversation twice when it turned out that I hadn't heard what people were saying correctly. Well, hopefully the hearing will go back to normal soon. Until then, i'll just keep popping pills (always healthy). Gonna go watch Garden State again. Later

Lean On Me

Yesterday afternoon I had the unusual oportunity to scrape the ice off the inside of my car windshield. Wierd. A group of us met up at Fazzoli's for dinner where we were pleasently suprised to witness a youth group fund raiser, of sorts. In return for buying the 'all-you-can-eat' spagetti dish, we got to hear some great accapella soul/gospel songs sung by a line of about ten kids ranging in age from 8 to 15 years old. They marched around the lobby area while singing and it was quite a spectacle. At one point we had the whole place singing 'Lean on me'.

This morning I observed one of the more touching scenes in my Taylor career. I walked over to the Kesler center to say hi to my sister as she volunteered to help with a Taylor Disabilities Outreach (T.D.O.) event. She and a friend were hosting a team of basketball players for the day. I walked in to see the Gym packed full of teams from all over the US playing a Special Olympics basketball tourney. It was run totally by Taylor students. I stood in the corner watching as I saw tons of students cheering for people they'd never met before. Tracy and her friend made team shirts to wear in support. I saw guys on my floor refing games. I saw people being so encouraging and loving. The place was packed and everyone was having a great time. So touching. Good job Chris Horst, John Bont, and all the rest who made it happen and volunteered time. I couldn't think of much better ways to volunteer a saturday's worth of time. May you recieve another crown in Heaven for such selflessness.

I met up with my dad today in Ft. Wayne. He's home alone for 2 weeks while mom's in Switzerland on business. Needless to say, he's a little bored. So, we spent the afternoon feasting on Flat Top Grille, walking around the outdoor mall, watching the movie Spanglish (I really enjoyed this movie, by the way), and going to Best Buy. It was an afternoon well spent. I came back to hang out with my sister the rest of the night. She's a funny kid, and a good sister. Never a dull moment with her (for example: she just returned my Jay-Z and Fugees CDs back to me.... what a thug).

So, my two big activities this weekend thus far are Tecmo Football, and watching The West Wing with Weber. In case you wanted to know...