TGIF

So, this week's been long and not a whole lot of fun, to be quite honest. It's been filled with early mornings, interrupted nights of sleep, some poor grades, and frustrating homework, and an ear infection. So, it's good to close the book on it. There have been a few good spots though. An email from my sister, Tecmo Football, Darla Stults, conversations with Nate Shorb, and my dad possibly paying me a visit over the weekend in particular.

I organized a Tecmo football tournament for the guys on the floor. We're starting today. Looks to be a good time. I'm the Redskins.

There's been a lot to think about over the week, but right now im not in the right frame of mind to reflect much, seeing as it's the beginning of the weekend. I'll get them in sometime soon though.

Espanol

Yesterday I woke up for spanish class at 7am to find nothing but cold water coming out of the showers. Today I woke up at 8:05, for my 8:00 spanish class. I dont like Spanish very well... I don't do mornings very well either...

Job hunting

The job search can be quite depressing at times. I am coming out of college at a time when the percentage of college graduates my age has never been higher. I enter into the work force at a time where the American labor force is stabilizing itself from a significant economic recession. These do not interact well with the promise we all were given in middle school that, if we got a college degree, we were pretty much guaranteed nice jobs with easy money and big houses in nice neighborhoods. Oh well, I haven't really been shooting for the lap of luxury for several years now. That doesn't really relieve the pressure in the back of my head of finding that sort of job still. It's times like these when I have to remind myself of a good conversation that I had with my dad this summer. I don't generally work myself up to the point of being stressed over anything. However, by mid July I had pretty much worked myself up into a nervous wreck about not being able to get a job and do it on my own without a hitch as soon as I graduated. Dad told me that it was pretty unreasonable to think that I was gonna land a job of too much financial stability or significance and stuff like that. He reminded me that most everyone works at several different jobs throughout their work life and that people generally start off just scraping by. So, yeah, I don't need to find an amazing job by May. I just want to be able to find something that will pay my bills and begin to get me out of debt (another thing im quite apprehensive about). Patience. It's just hard to think about taking a job that doesn't even require the degree that everyone has promised would open the doors to bigger and better things. And it's definitely not because I think I'm too good to work any kind of job; certainly not. I just wonder, at times, what my parents would think of their personal and financial contributions to the last four years of my life. And what will my professors take from their time and effort spent on me, preparing and equipping me for the real world? You know what though, that's alright, because I will find contentment and satisfaction in my life wherever I end up. My life's worth and value will not be tied to my paycheck, job prestige, etc. What a phenomenally stupid pursuit.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." -Matthew 19:24

So, last night Amy Barnett and I went to Pizza Hut for dinner. I was pleasantly surprised to find out they had a special. Buy one Medium or Large pizza at regular price, and you can buy up to 5 more mediums for $5 a piece... Sweet action. I had a good midnight snack. But anyway, Amy and I were talking and I came up with the idea that maybe I should adopt a child or become a foster parent once I get out of school. At first we kind of laughed about it, but then I started to roll it over in my head a bit. What would be so terrible about that notion? Maybe adopting a child would be ill advised because of my lack of parenting skills or long term financial stability. However, considering their circumstances, maybe even that wouldn't be a good enough excuse to avoid doing it. Even if I don't know the first thing about parenting's ins and outs, at least I would be able to offer the kid all the love and attention I could pour onto it. Would that be more beneficial than an orphanage somewhere? Once I thought about that I thought about Kristina, the baby girl that I met in the Czech Republic. I wrote a long journal entry about this very thing. Maybe sometime I'll transfer it over to this. Either way, it's something to think about. Maybe if not soon, maybe later. If I ever end up duping some poor girl into thinking that she could live the rest of her life with me, and then I somehow have a life-altering experience that makes me want to have children, I think I'll ask my wife to strongly consider adopting a child.

My sister just announced to me that I am a bad influence on her because, when she told me about procrastinating on her work to go watch a movie in the middle of the night, I didn't protest or advise her to do anything differently. Sweet... Hey, it's J-Term. If you can't get away with it now, when can you get away with it? Enjoy sis.

Rememberings?

How will people remember me? Maybe this is a ridiculous question to think about. I think about it sometimes. I thought about it a little when highschool was coming to an end, because I knew I was leaving and not coming back for any extended period of time again, for the most part. My time there was finished and it was time to move on. For 18 years I lived in the same community. People watched me grow up. How did they assess my growth? Who did they believe I'd become? There are quite a few people's answers to those questions and more that I would value very much and there are quite a few more people's answers to those questions that I could care less about. I don't mean that arrogantly, but I wasn't a prominent member of the community. I didn't serve or lead in any worthwhile ways. There were people who's lives I was a part of and who played a part in my life. Those are much cared about. Outside of this group though, I really don't have any concern for the popular opinion of myself. As I approach the end of my time here at Taylor it is a different story. I have taken much ownership of this place and these people and this institution on the whole. I've participated, served, and led here. How will these people think of me? What will they think of me when I've moved on? Will any of them think of me at all? I have given of my time, effort, pride, comfort, and enjoyment. Four years of my life have been given to this place as a whole, not just a handful of individuals. For this reason, I believe it's relevant to wonder how I will be remembered, if at all. How do my professors assess me? Do my hall directors hire me again? Would the administration deem my work acceptable to their standards? More importantly that all of those, how will my guys remember me? Did I lead them wisely enough? Did I push them strongly enough? Did I serve them humbly enough? Will mine be a story of spite or respect? And no matter what their answers would be to those questions, I would value each and every one of them. They each have a place in my heart, a place in my memory. I do believe that as time passes and we are no longer together every day, I'll still be inclined to count them as 'one of my guys'. I worry that my time has been in vane, that I've been tragically mistaken. I worry that my pride has clouded my ability to assess my role. I've made mistakes. I've been very wrong before. I doubt I've been the best P.A. ever. There are no illusions about that. However, I would regret the great sense of waste this all will have been if this has all come across as selfish pride. As God is my witness, I have done these things with love in my heart and growth on my mind.

The next Bob Dylan? I think not...

Today Taylor's men's basketball team is going to be playing Grace College, which is in my home town. Actually, the campus is right across the street from my home church, which is the denomination that the college was founded on. I know quite a few people who go there. It includes most people from my youth group who either couldn't get away from Warsaw, or couldn't turn down a free college education (Vos&Nieter). I usually make the trip to see the game because it's funny to be there in a taylor shirt and hat while we kill them. It's also just as much incentive to stop by home on the way back to get some dinner and hang out with my parents for a few. However, I dont think im gonna go today. I'm still recovering from a bit of a cold and we just got a bunch of snow dumped on top of our ice last night.

So, yesterday afternoon Shorb came up to the floor and we weren't doing much of anything. I mentioned that I got a harmonica for christmas. He asked what key it was in and then told me to go get it. He proceded to play guitar on the couch while i attempted to play the harmonica along with it. I'm pretty sure it sounded awful (as people continued to poke their heads in from the hallway and give me a wierd look), but nate did a good job of attempting to make me think i played beautifully. And so, my attempts at musical expression continue to be exercises in futility. Tracy is gonna try to teach me the guitar over spring semester. I think i should tell her that if I can't figure out the harmonica, that she shouldn't have to waste her time trying to teach me the guitar. I think the musical part of my brain are just as small as the spanish language part.

I get pretty annoyed at people sometimes. I'm not talking about people in general. I'm speaking of individual people. And as I think about that, I wonder how selfish that must make me. I'm sure that, given enough time around someone, I will find myself annoyed at something sometime. I'm pretty sure that is evidence of a selfish spirit. Maybe it's tied more to being judgemental. I know I am that. Why do I posess such a critical spirit?

Blackout

So, Upland has been at the heart of a huge ice storm that started sometime wednesday morning and involved a power outage that started thursday @ around 2am. Classes were cancelled both thursday and today. However, the power came back on @ Taylor University last night around 9pm. You always forget about how good electricity is. I think it's pretty pathetic how bored I got yesterday without it.
I went to see the movie Closer again last night. I really liked it again. I got so much more out of it. (ps: this movie is not for the faint of heart or sensitive ears...) I've decided that the film attempting to show that love cannot be simply emotion or commitment. There must be both, and in balanced proportions. Other themes: Love cannot be an assertion of power. Dependency, though a good and necessary aspect of relationship, is a lie if not bathed in sober truth.
Well, the dorm's relatively empty, because everyone bailed as soon as classes were cancelled. If you're around and wanna hang out, come on over.

People

Life is an interesting thing. People are particularly dynamic things (or at least they have the potential to be). Constant flux would be a good, relatively philosophic way to put it. It is amazing how people change. They can change everything from personality, to ideas, to philosophies, to theologies, to mood, to friends, to demeanor, pretty much anything and everything. Do you ever sit back and take it all in? Life is never static, or at least it shouldn't be. If you ever feel like your life is static all you have to do is walk out of your little hole and interact with people... any people. We're all in constant change. The greek philosopher Heraclites said, "You can never step into the same river twice, for fresh waters are ever flowing in upon you." In spite of our unending attempts to find normalcy, safety, and rationality, we (as well as everyone else around us) will be in an almost constant state of change. My friend Maha reminded me of this tonite in a short conversation we had. We were both quite different people when we met about 8 years ago. We didn't really care much for each other then. There were not many similarities to be found in either of us. My friend Darla is altogether one of the most unique people I've ever had the opportunity to know. I've told her that I think we are kindred spirits before. Within that, though, are times when she is altogether quite peculiar to me. My sister, Tracy is almost 20 years old. We've lived our whole lives together. It's doubtful that anyone else will ever be able to identify with the first 22 years of my life as completely as she will. How easy it can be to approach her by recalling any one of her previous 19 years while attempting to interact with her in her 20th. People are amazing, and we should all be so lucky as to get over ourselves for even a few moments each day to recognize and appreciate the continual change and eventual progress that is happening in those lives around us.

Get off me!

So noah, phil, and I were at the well this afternoon (yes, we go to the well, im sorry that this probably makes us tools). As phil finishes his last reps on the bench he yells 'Get off me!' It was relatively loud. At least, it was loud enough for the two sets of girls doing stuff around us to stop what they were doing to look over and snicker or roll their eyes. Thanks phil. Thanks for making us look more out of place than we already do...

Dead opossum

Just got back from Steak n' Shake with Phil, Poe, and Ruf. The good news: Stephanie, the 3rd shift waitress whom we've gotten to know over the months was back tonite for the first time since giving birth to her first child. She was excited to tell us about it, and seemed quite the proud mother. Congrats Stephanie. The bad news: There was one casualty on the way there. An opossum definitely got smoked by my car. I'm serious, both tires and everything. thump..thump.

Picked up Shorb from the airport today. Good to have him back. I always enjoy the first evening back from any break. I love walking around waiting for my guys to come back. After 3 years of doing this, I've developed quite a sense of ownership of these guys... It's so good to get everyone back.

Darla and I had an amazing conversation tonite over coffee at Beatniks. She's quite the thinker and I enjoy hearing her thoughts on stuff. We've talked quite a bit of late, and I'm pretty sure she's about ready to get sick of me. I hope not though. After coffee we also walked down a random alley cause it looked out of place.

A little overhaul on everything

So, new year's eve 2004 was spent in West Unity, Ohio. I left about a half hour early to meet Drew in Ft. Wayne because Tracy's boyfriend came to our house and I didn't want it to be awkward for her, so I left... Met Drew in Ft. Wayne and we went to Ohio. It was good to get to talk with him for a while. He just purchased a new puppy dog. It's a weener dog. It's 3 weeks old and as cute as you could imagine. His name is Banks. His godparents are Earnie and Tyra Banks. He can't pick old banksy up for several more weeks though cause he's gotta stay with his mommy for a certain amount of time. Drew is moving back to Evansville at the end of January, which is kinda sad, but I hope that the next 6 months for him are all that he wants them to be and that they allow him to make his next life move. But before he goes, he's staying around Taylor for a few weeks cause Blom's coming to visit for a few weeks before he goes back to school as well. So, im sure the two of them will be doing their best to distract us diligent students from our rigorous daily academic regimen. You wont have to work too hard on me guys, it's J-Term. PS: If you're a Taylor student looking to move off-campus (and are male) for next semester, let me know, cause Drew's gonna vacate a spot in Briarwood and would rather not pay the rent when he's not living there.

So, back to the trip to Ohio. We drove through two toll booths on our way. Both times we expressed our new year's greetings to the toll booth workers (aka: 'Happy New Year!'). Drew even rolled down his window to tell a few other toll booth workers standing on the side of the road as well. We were greeting with stone walls or looks of disgust. Looks like 04 was weighing down too much on the toll booth workers of the world to enjoy the coming of the new year. Got to Ohio around 7 and Noah put us to work. I mean serious work. I think he forgot that we weren't getting paid for this or something cause he had us slaving away in the church kitchen for a good hour and a half making various foods like salsa and icing that evidently had to be thick enough to mortar bricks. It was hard work, needless to say. And then the kids started coming. I'd say there were about 30 of them. Drew and I spent the rest of the night doing all the things that chaperones do (eating food, walking around, sitting, standing on the wall watching the kiddies play ball) and basically providing the safest and most secure good time that could possibly be had. Needless to say, Noah's pretty lucky that he's got such good friends like us who volunteer our time and our high level of expertise at these kinds of things. Oh to be in highschool again.... We played some knockout, dodgeball, euchre, mau, and scrabble. Noah's got some pretty interesting kids in his youthgroup. They were pretty enjoyable to be around for the most part, except for a middle school kid who kept repeating the same line in a current television commercial over and over the whole night. That got old real quick. If I end up out in Ohio this summer, I'll look foreword to hangin out with all of them. 7am rolled around and I sucked down a cup of coffee and we hit the road back to Indiana. I do thoroughly enjoy staying up all night. I'm happy to say that the toll booth workers on the way back were quick to return our new year's greeting with a smile and a greeting of their own. So, here's hoping that 05 treats them better than 04 seemed to have.
New Year's resolutions? Drew and I talked about it on the way home. His was 'a little overhaul on everything' I loved it! One of the things he talked about sounded like a good idea to me. A media fast. Turn off the TV, don't listen to the radio, don't check CNN.com, don't read the newspapers, etc. How much of our opinions on things going on around us are determined by what everyone else tells us we should think? Let's get rid of all the spin people. Everything's so politicized, dramatized, overhyped. See what ends up being important to you when you're left to decide on your own how to interact with the events in our world. Drew's gonna try to do it before baseball season. I'll hope I can try it sometime before I die.